Should I Stay or Should I Go? 3 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann on Unsplash
  • Is there more for me to learn in the relationship, or am I learning the a ct of disengaging from relationship?
  • Do I tend to stay too long, or do I tend to bail too quickly?
  • Can I change enough to fit this situation? Can the situation/person change enough to fit me?
  • How harmful is it for me to stay for longer?
  • How do I know when it’s really over?
  • Does some part of you believe that you don’t deserve better or that all people/situations are like this?
  • Were you taught to sacrifice yourself to stay in a relationship at any cost?
  • Are you buying into the false belief that until you are “perfect” you can’t expect more from someone else? Is your self-blame keeping you stuck?
  • Something else?
  • They are curious about themselves and others and are intrinsically interested in change and growth.
  • They are willing to feel their feelings and connect with their deeper needs. They get vulnerable.
  • They enjoy learning new skills, gaining new insights and developing deeper connections.
  • They can nurture themselves up from shame, and can also walk themselves down from grandiosity.
  • They have defenses, but they aren’t identified with their defenses (they don’t see their defenses as “who I am”)
  • They have the courage to admit when they screwed up, and accept that mistakes and re-do’s are a fundamental part of closeness.
  • What has helped you move on from relationships that were toxic for you?
  • Do you tend to bail too soon, and forgo your own work? Or do you tend to stay too long, sacrificing your own well being? How do you know? What helps you change this?

Writer, speaker, psychologist, and consultant offering practical tools and insights for conscious, compassionate, courageous living. Based in Minneapolis, MN.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store